My 30th birthday is quickly approaching... in 8 days to be exact... At 25 I had a little "quarter life crisis". I was NOWHERE near where I wanted to be at 25. I didn't have a successful career, loving husband, bouncing baby, colonial house with a white picket fence... I was waiting tables, and while I did have an amazing boyfriend he didn't even want to TALK about marriage. Fortunately this little crisis helped push me into going back to school for my masters degree. Jump ahead 5 years... I have been married for 3 years, I have a beautiful almost 2 year old... I have my Masters and my CCC's (meaning I am officially a speech language pathologist)... I do not have my white picket fence but we are renting a beautiful house just outside our favorite city in the world. I have never been happier than I am at 30. I love my job, my husband, and my child. I am at a peace with myself that I have never been... I think a lot of it stems from the mindfulness taught to me by the lovely Dr. Lisa Scott. I have truly become a more positive happy person. I think that if you can get past the wild days of life with a toddler, and watch them discover the world it makes you a better person. I love being a wife and mom... OK so I may not be perfect at either of them (my house is an absolute disaster right now and my child is watching a DVD so I can find time to blog) but I love being a wife and mom.
So clearly it is not my ageing that is bothering me so much. I can't tell you how many times this week I have been told "Wow Ashlyn is so big! She's not a baby anymore! She's a kid!" I smile and comment on how big she is but it wasn't until a couple of nights ago that it REALLY hit me. When she is sick I always go out to the couch with her. We have fine tuned the art of how to lay to make her fall asleep and feel better. It always worked like a charm... until Thursday night. She didn't fit... My sweet little girl didn't fit in my arms anymore... not like she used to. She just couldn't get comfortable... Her legs were too long, her head hit too high on my chest, her arms dangled. And it hit me that she is no longer a baby... she really is becoming a little girl... She wears pigtails... she told me what she wanted to be for Halloween (and then what her father and I should be too)...she has real opinions...and she no longer comfortably fits in my arms when she's sick...and that is a much tougher pill to swallow than turning 30... I have a feeling I won't mind the rest of my birthdays as much as I mind each of hers...
Ashlyn and I
December 2009
i love reading so many of the thoughts i once had. it is beautiful.
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