Thursday, September 16, 2010

Holding each other a little closer...

The first time I spent the night with my husband he said, "Please don't be offended if I roll away from you in 5 minutes... I'm not a cuddler." LOL! Talk about romantic right? I was actually so relieved! I hate to be trapped under someone's arm or afraid to scratch an itch in fear of waking someone. don't get me wrong I love to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie but to sleep I want to have my own little space. This has always worked very well for us.
I told you about Erik's theory on not stressing about the little things. It couldn't have come at a better time. In the last few days a lot of sad things have happened around us. None of it really affected our day to day lives but it has weighed heavily on our hearts. There is a blog I have been following about a 5 month old baby with cancer. He was such a fighter and his parents always seemed to keep such a positive outlook on their facebook posts. I didn't know little Mason but a friend from Middle School is co-workers with his aunt or something of that nature. Even though he was fighting such a strong fight against cancer, little Mason got pneumonia and passed away this week. It hurt my heart. That is a pain that no parent should have to deal with. What a sweet little boy. His parents buried him today. If you would like to read about his amazing life here is his blog
On Wednesday, at Erik's work a woman he works with, had a seizure from what they think was a stroke and the paramedics had to use the defibrillator to revive her. She is 38 years old and has 3 small children.
Then to top it all off, I am back doing some rehab work with the elderly like I did this summer. At the end of my shift I went to visit one of my most difficult and favorite patients from the summer. I didn't find her in her room and as I walked back by the front I made myself look at the "In Memory Of" board... And there she was...
Too much pain and death this week. So last night as we were drifting off to sleep I reached over and grabbed Erik's hand. Without saying a word he rubbed my hand and I knew he and I were totally on the same page. After a few minutes I whispered to him "You can take your hand back whenever you need to go to sleep." He took his hand away... I was feeling better so I was OK with this. But just then I felt his hand on my back gently rubbing like we would to comfort Ashlyn. Somehow whether he needed it or just knew I did, there in the dark I feel like I connected with my husband in a way that a million conversations couldn't. I know this blog is about parenting but I feel like recently I have been discovering so much about my marriage and my husband that I needed to share. I was reading an article that asked men and women what they thought was more work, parenting or marriage? What do you think friends? What takes more work for you?


  1. well, i can't say much about "parenting", but marriage is definitely hard work. i commend you for being transparent about your relationship--all aspects, not just the flowers and back massages. i think we as women, do a diservice to each other by giving the appearance that our marriages are so effortless. a marriage, like any other relationship, takes effort and too often we forget this. thank you for this post. it was sweet.

  2. Back massages??? Married people get those? LOL! Now he's smart and gets me a gift certificate for a professional one every once in a while :o) You are so right though... it's not all roses... it is hard work but when you put in the work (both of you) I think it can be a beautiful garden of wild flowers.

  3. That's all pretty heavy, Annie. But that's such a happy note knowing you have Erik right there.

    And I wanna say a note about how I appreciate the way you speak about him. Always with kindness & tenderness. Not exposing his flaws, which I imagine exist. So many women make it a pastime to make fun of men. I find it ugly. I think it says even more about the kind of person you are by how you speak about him.

  4. I love this Ann. It made me think of many days working with Hospice and visiting widows. I wanted to just go home and hold onto Josh and not let go. I'm bad about taking things for granted now that I don't always have that reminder in my face.

    I thought this was an interesting question. I always thought parenting was harder for sure, but honestly I don't think so anymore. Just yesterday we had a heart to heart and I realized that my excessive people pleasing disease (I've diagnosed myself) leads me to go crazy trying to keep everybody happy, except Josh. I just take for granted that he will always be there and alway put up with me and always love me. It was a wake-up call for me that other people totally understand putting your kids first or your job or whatever else, but marriage seems to get pushed to the side.

    Thank you for posting this. It's something I need to work on!