Friday, April 1, 2011

Time to share...

I've put off writing this blog for a while... Ever since my difficult pregnancy with Bear every OB I've seen (and I've seen a few) have said "Don't worry at all about your next pregnancy being anything like the first! We will make sure it is smooth and easy..." I always cracked back that "My first pregnancy was hard and my child is perfect... the next one is going to be easy and my 2nd child will be hell on wheels." I guess I am just destined for another sweet child.
I have a theory about OB's that started during my first pregnancy when it was an absolute nightmare. 90% of an OB's job is done for them. The hard part anyway. Nature pretty much takes its course and mom delivers a healthy baby... OB catches it... family writes a big check... life is good. When things go wrong however I think that many OB's just aren't ready for that! Fortunately this time around I think my OB is going to be very proactive. When I told her the details of my first pregnancy she said "Where did you deliver? Uganda? You never should have gone through that..." I hope that her confidence to handle anything that comes up continues.
We have already had our first scare... Probably why I have put off writing on here. Right when I was about to write about being pregnant the world began to crash around us and we felt very deja vu... The difference this time was that 1)We've been through it before... 2)With Bear it started at 29 weeks not 7 weeks 3) We had a 2 year old to worry about now as well.
Friday March 7 I wasn't feeling great but I got Bear to school and went to work. She had been up most of the night and was really cranky when I dropped her off. I headed to my first meeting and as I sat down felt a familiar gush and just knew deep down that it was blood. (Sorry for anyone who doesn't like TMI... As I am now pregnant again I expect there to be alot of it...)
I made it to the bathroom before completely breaking down and my fears were confirmed. I pulled myself together long enough to find a co-worker. Fortunately I had just told my work a couple of days before so everyone went immediately into action mode. They really were amazing. One of my co-workers rushed me to the hospital where Erik met me. Fortunately she was a social worker and knew just what to say so that by the time we got there I was almost laughing and had almost accepted what I was sure they were going to tell me.
As I handed over my insurance card at the ER and choked out that I was 7 weeks pregnant I began to cry again. Hubby put his arm around me but I could see his fear (or helplessness)... I can't imagine what all these scares are like for him. I am so physically invested in the moment... pain, sensations, hormones... he is detached and yet it is his wife and baby at risk... Must be scary though he never gets unraveled.
As we were wheeled back to a room the nurse told me... "Don't cry until you have to... Believe everything is OK until you know anything different!" That was very calming to me.
They got me in the room and began the fun of iv's, blood work, and a lovely pelvic exam. The male nurse who was doing my IV was kind enough to tell me I should be grateful I was having a miscarriage because I didn't want a baby with screwed up chromosomes... Thank you Mr. Sensitive! First off HELLO! Don't they do sensitivity training at this hospital??? Second You know nothing about me including the fact that I work in special education and have friends with amazing children who have chromosomal abnormalities... and Third What happened to the sweet positive thinking nurse that wheeled me back... I want her back in here! Of course I couldn't say any of these things because he was sticking a needle in my arm. They started filling me up with water for an ultrasound. There is nothing like chugging gallons of water to go find out if you've lost your baby. On one hand I wanted to do it IMMEDIATELY... but on the other I was clinging to what the nurse said... everything is OK until I know something different. Once I had the ultrasound I would know one way or the other and so I felt like I was "drinking my last meal" before execution. I got to the point that I was about to burst and ready for the ultrasound when you know what happened of course... The ultrasound tech got backed up... ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? You just had me drink 3 gallons of water and now I have to wait indefinitely until they come get me??? Let They finally came to tell me I was next but at this point I was wiggling, crying, and in severe pain I needed to pee so bad! I convinced hubby that there was NO way I was waiting any longer however, I was completely hooked up to machines. I didn't want to alert them to the fact that I was going to use the bathroom so I couldn't take off any of the monitors. I made my poor husband stretch all the cords as far as possible so I could reach the very edge of the toilet. Man I've never wished I were a guy so badly before in my life! I quickly rushed back to bed, took one more swig of water and in they walked for the ultrasound. Let me take a minute here and say as we sat there for an hour or so waiting for the ultrasound and attempting to watch TV it was like a bad sitcom. Every channel we turned on had "A Baby Story," bank your baby's cord blood commercials, look at Christina Applegates new baby... everything was about babies... are you kidding me???
We went for the ultrasound holding our breath... I guess she looked at every other part of my reproductive system before my uterus. I kept looking and seeing emptiness and it became harder and harder to hold it together. Finally I saw something flicker on the screen. I whispered to hubby... "It's a heartbeat!!!" Ultrasound techs aren't supposed to tell you anything but I think she knew what we were going through and played it for us... She said "I hope 168 means something to you!" The flood gates opened... I couldn't stop crying... Not only was my baby still there but it had a strong heartbeat. It was a fighter!!! I am tearing up just relaying this information. It was such an emotional moment. After a few more pictures she helped me to the bathroom where I wasn't sure if I should do a dance or cry... I settled on peeing and doing more relieved crying... I figured we still didn't know why I was bleeding so a happy dance was probably not the best idea.
We went back to the room with goofy grins on our faces. Even though we didn't have answers yet and we didn't know if we were out of the woods... our baby was alive!!! Of course as we waited for the doctor and I wanted to hear about Christina Applegates new baby and cord blood banking all of the baby shows were over...
The doctor finally came in and told us she thought it was a subchorionic hemorrhage. Our discharge papers (that we finally got 2 hours later..hello people did you forget Im STILL pregnant and starving!!!) said that I was supposed to be on bedrest until I could see my doctor. Hubby and I both looked at each other and said "WE AREN'T HAVING ANY MORE KIDS!"
My doctor on Tuesday confirmed that not only was it probably a hemorrhage but that my placenta was completely covering the cervix. Since I had placenta previa with Bear I knew what that meant. She wasn't happy that we were leaving for a 9 day vacation to Florida but said I could go if I took it easy, drank lots of water, and DID NOT pick up Bear or anything heavy.
I'm pleased to tell you that I went in for my check up 2 weeks after that one and she lifted all restrictions!!! Not only is the SCH healed but unlike Bear my placenta is already moving. It is still very low and still covering the cervix but it is already better than it was the first time!!! Thank God for all of our blessings... for friends and family that were praying... for co-workers that will drop everything no questions asked in an emergency... for Bear who was such a big girl when I couldn't pick her up... for my husband who never once complained about all of his added responsibilities... and most of all for this precious gift we've been given... thank you for being a fighter!!! We love you!


  1. Ann, so sorry you had to go through this scare, but so thankful everything is okay! It will be so exciting going through this pregnancy with you! :)

  2. Oh wow. Ann... I had no idea you were pregnant - so, first, CONGRATS!!! Next, I want to say THANK YOU, for being brave enough to share the darkest part of being a pregnant mother - and sharing your story. So many of us have a "scare" or a loss, but are not able to share, for whatever reason. Thank you! Your newest lil one gets that bravery from his momma, and don't you forget it!