Denial

My husband told me last night... "It doesn't feel like your really pregnant... not like last time at least..." Clearly he was able to button his pants this morning and did not spend the evening hugging the toilet bowl like it was his 21st birthday...
I totally get it though... Besides those moments that I feel awful (which is before and after every meal and many other times throughout the day) I don't feel like I did when I was pregnant the first time. I've been trying to figure out why that is... I think mostly its denial... not that we don't 100% want this baby. We do.. and have for a long time... We've always talked about wanting two kids and having them about 3 years apart. So far so good... it's all part of the plan. But I think we are in denial for a few reasons...
1) We are scared... We are scared to get excited because we did that and then we thought we lost the baby...
2) We know... the first baby you have these amazing ideals and dreams and you know it will cost money and you know you'll sleep less... but you don't really know... The 2nd one... YOU KNOW... We had just gotten to where we can skip the baby aisle (except diapers... but we're getting close)... there are entire sections of stores we no longer visit... I wandered down one of those aisles in the grocery store today... and realized I'm starting back over... I shouldn't have glanced at formula prices... or baby food.. or Gerber puffs...
3) We are scared... With Ashlyn we've gotten through the fear of SIDS, I can sleep at night without checking to see if she's breathing (well most nights), we've survived (most) of teething... we have to get through all that all over again...
4) and probably most of all... We have Ashlyn... When we were pregnant with her it was all consuming... there was nothing else to think about... now we have this vibrant two year old.. she keeps us busy, she makes us laugh, she amazes us, she is the best thing that's ever happened in our lives... but did I mention she keeps us busy???
and she is the reason WE KNOW... we can do this... as scary as it may be there is nothing better than the smell of a baby... watching them discover, learn, and grow... There is nothing better than family...