How not to have a baby...

Ok so my baby is over 3 weeks old... and Im just now blogging... but I have found that adding another child doesn't double your work load it quadruples it! Now you are not only dealing with an infant which in itself is double the work of a 2 year old but you are also trying to make up to the 2 year old that you just brought another person into their perfect world that takes double the time from them. 
So I wanted to start by telling you how NOT to have a baby...
As I hit 38 weeks I was astounded at how uncomfortable I was!  I don't know how people go past 40 weeks.  I seriously asked my mom (I was too scared to google it) if any pregnant woman's skin ever actually split open at this stage of pregnancy... That being said I didn't really want to go into full blown labor I just wanted to have my baby on the 14th or that weekend at least... The doctor I wanted was on call that weekend and I really wanted her to deliver but she was booked all the next week when I was officially 39 weeks and allowed to have a c-section.  So I began soliciting suggestions from people on how to safely induce labor... It's amazing what you will hear and from whom... The sweetest older woman will tell you in detail how to stimulate your nipples and exactly what position you should engage in intercourse to induce labor.  Here are the things that did NOT work... at least not for me...
1) Spicy food- The theory behind this is that it makes your stomach so upset that it stimulates contractions in your uterus.  I didn't stop to consider what this would feel like to have to get so sick that it stimulates contractions... It is NOT fun at all.  My work every year does a Hispanic Heritage Breakfast where all of my co-workers who are Hispanic bring in ethnic dishes. I believe it is like 14 people.  I requested half jokingly that they make it extra spicy for me.  So even though I started maternity leave that day, I came in for the breakfast. Although it was super hot and I was sweating (and sick) there were no hints of a single contraction... I teased my co-workers that they must not really be hispanic :o).  So spicy food did not work!
2) MSG- I read that MSG can cause contractions.  My husband was ready to leave me in the grocery store as I examined all the Chicken Noodle Soups for the one with the most MSG.  I found out what restaurant had the most MSG (surprise it's not Chinese though I ate that too) and lucky for us they had just built this restaurant and it was one of our favorites! Nope MSG didn't do it for me!
3) Eating straight Horseradish... I guess this is an old Jewish remedy... I couldn't bring myself to do it... so it might work...
4)Nipple Stimulation- If you are curious how the sweet older lady suggested I do this... She said use one of those shower scrubbie pouf things while showering.. NOTHING

What does work...
Get in your car... drive an hour and a half + away from the only hospital your insurance takes into the country where they may not even have a hospital... Walk around an apple orchard.. reach up a lot and pick apples (there is another old wives tale that scrubbing your ceilings will cause labor to start because of the reaching)...I'm convinced that it was just purely losing my common sense and driving that far from the hospital that did it... Someone said "Look at this idiot... lets see how much we can freak out her mom and husband as they try to drive back almost 2 hours while her contractions grow closer and closer together... This will be great fun!" 

Long story short... we made it to the hospital on October 14th (see above for my ideal date) at 3 pm and my contractions were 3 min. apart though I couldn't tell in the car when they were starting and stopping anymore... The doctor we wanted was on call... she arrived around 7 and our beautiful 8 lb 3 oz baby was born at 7:56 pm.