Making hard decisions...

... and facing them... is one of the hardest parts of parenting. I have put off writing this post because I didn't want to face people's reactions. But the purpose of this blog is to be honest... I've said it before... and I'm sure there are others that have been or are in the same situation I was. I know there will be mixed reactions because I have friends that are crazy pro-breastfeeding, friends that think it's the only way, friends that have had difficulties and get it, and friends that never bothered.

I was convinced I was going to take another shot at breastfeeding with Bees that I didn't get with Bear. Bear was so small and not on the growth chart so we didn't get much time before we had to start supplementing when she wasn't getting enough from breastfeeding. Bear did well with formula, has been very healthy, and is a smart little girl so I didn't feel bad about our decision. That being said I always got embarrassed when asked "How long did you breastfeed?"

So for Bees I was certain I would breastfeed. I bought a nice pump, I stocked up on storage bags, medela bottles, and mother's milk tea. It seemed like it was going great. She latched on right away, gained appropriate weight, and seemed happy. I had mastered the blanket over the shoulder, breastfeed in public move. I love breastfeeding because how content and happy it makes me and my sweet babies. I love being able to feed them in the middle of the night with a simple unsnap of a nursing tank versus getting up and making a bottle. I love that no matter where I am I can feed my child and don't have to guess at how many bottles I need to have prepared for her prior to leaving the house.

At her 2 week check-up we talked to the doctor about how much she was screaming and how much pain she seemed to be in. Gone was the sweet baby from the hospital. From the time my milk came in she had been screaming pretty much every moment she was awake but even worse at night. The doctor told me all about colic and said to try the "5 S's" I tried swaddling, she screamed more... I tried sucking, she refused a pacifier... I tried swinging, she HATES the swing... Nothing was working. At this point she was having crazy spitting up after every meal, horrible gas, a bad rash... the list goes on and on.. I turned to facebook and got two suggestions of help from mom friends.... Dairy allergy or overactive let down resulting in foremilk/hindmilk imbalance (she wasnt getting to the good fatty milk). Despite everything I know about scientific methods and 1 control I both cut dairy out and started block feeding to help with the OALD at the same time and we started to see some changes. I went back to the doctor and she said it isn't dairy... she's gaining great weight and doesn't have bloody stools. At first I was angry and irritated at the doctor. Here I was drinking almond milk, cooking with soy butter, avoiding McDonald's fries (yea they have dairy) and downloading dairy free iphone apps... what does she know... But guess what... as soon as I stopped block feeding it got worse again. I stopped the dairy restrictions and focused on block feeding. While it seemed somewhat better she was still miserable. When I pumped I could tell how thin and watery the milk was... her poop was electric green... I finally broke down and gave her a bottle of formula mixed with pumped milk. And guess what... the screaming stopped.. not only that but she smiled at me...

I know all the benefits of breastfeeding. I really really wanted to do it... but to see my child so content (one of my favorite parts of breastfeeding in theory) and happy and out of pain was amazing. I decided I was going to pump and still mix it because then she will still get some benefit and breastfeed her at night... But you know what happens? Every morning and throughout the night she screams and spits up massive amounts of milk... I mean massive. After a couple of formula bottles she smiles, doesn't spit up, and is happy. Everyone in the house is happier. Daddy can help feed her, Bear can play with her and dance for her and make her smile, and I don't spend the whole day panicking about what is wrong with my baby.

So do I wish I was a super breastfeeding mom? Yes I wish I was... but am I still a Super Mom? yep I am... the proof is in that sweet baby's smile... so think what you want but I think I'm doing what is best for my family.

Just a few thoughts today...

- Is there anything worse than dumping a 6 oz bottle of pumped milk that sat out all night???
- Some days I think I can conquer the world... I got up and made a quiche and banana bread this morning... Then I looked in the mirror... I don't think I'm going to conquer much more than my couch in my nursing jammies with leaky milk stains, hair going every which way, and gigantic bags under my eyes...
-But to end my thoughts on a positive note... With my first daughter we were blessed that my husband was able to stay home with her from 4 mo. when I went to work until 20 mo. when she started daycare. The downside was I had to ask him everything or do it wrong and he would say "No, she doesn't like that anymore." Or "actually this is how I get her down for a nap" Just now he was making her lunch and said "What do you dip your meatballs in?" And I was able to say "ketchup" and then show him how she likes her meatballs cut up... I am so blessed to have this maternity leave to not just bond with my youngest but get to know my oldest even better!

Sleep and the newborn...

Everyone knows new parents are sleep deprived... I knew when baby 2 came I would be tired... But I forgot how crazy this time really is... The first time around Hubby didn't have to go to work until 11 am so he could help alot more at night.  This time he leaves for work by 6:30 am which is about when we fall back asleep just in time for my 2 year old to wake up and start making her morning requests (Jake and the Neverland Pirates, chocolate milk, candy, playdoh... she's already smart enough to know I will give her anything to be allowed to lay around for another 30 min). 
Here are some things I've learned...
1) If you are lucky enough to have the baby sleep through dinner so that you can eat with both hands and not just your left (Im convinced I will be ambidextrous by the time she is out of this stage)... then the baby will be up screaming all night... weigh the pros and cons carefully...
2) Your 2 year old that has never slept through the night can sleep right through a screaming baby... if she is sleeping in your bed
3) I was destined to have very attached kids that will never sleep anywhere but my arms
4) You will do anything to make a screaming baby stop including running the shower all night long because the sound of heavy running water is the only thing that calms her... I can't wait to see our water bill
5) What you find funny on Pinterest at 3 am is not necessarily something you would publicly "pin" when looking back at 10 am.
6) People say to sleep when the baby sleeps but somehow although you are incredibly exhausted the baby always passes out right when you get your second wind and wakes up right as it goes away...
7) You will pump purely to have a glass of wine, beer, or EXTRA large cup of coffee...I have yet to stock up one bottle of milk for when I return to work... priorities
8) Possibly the most important... NEVER take medication in a sleep deprived state without checking the bottle three times and asking someone not also living in your sleep deprived house what the bottle says... I don't care what my neighbor thinks of me I will not mix up the stool softeners and the iron tablets again... Anyone who is familiar with these two items know they do the opposite things so if you need one you don't want the other...  TMI... sorry.. Im a mom... I have no filter...

How not to have a baby...

Ok so my baby is over 3 weeks old... and Im just now blogging... but I have found that adding another child doesn't double your work load it quadruples it! Now you are not only dealing with an infant which in itself is double the work of a 2 year old but you are also trying to make up to the 2 year old that you just brought another person into their perfect world that takes double the time from them. 
So I wanted to start by telling you how NOT to have a baby...
As I hit 38 weeks I was astounded at how uncomfortable I was!  I don't know how people go past 40 weeks.  I seriously asked my mom (I was too scared to google it) if any pregnant woman's skin ever actually split open at this stage of pregnancy... That being said I didn't really want to go into full blown labor I just wanted to have my baby on the 14th or that weekend at least... The doctor I wanted was on call that weekend and I really wanted her to deliver but she was booked all the next week when I was officially 39 weeks and allowed to have a c-section.  So I began soliciting suggestions from people on how to safely induce labor... It's amazing what you will hear and from whom... The sweetest older woman will tell you in detail how to stimulate your nipples and exactly what position you should engage in intercourse to induce labor.  Here are the things that did NOT work... at least not for me...
1) Spicy food- The theory behind this is that it makes your stomach so upset that it stimulates contractions in your uterus.  I didn't stop to consider what this would feel like to have to get so sick that it stimulates contractions... It is NOT fun at all.  My work every year does a Hispanic Heritage Breakfast where all of my co-workers who are Hispanic bring in ethnic dishes. I believe it is like 14 people.  I requested half jokingly that they make it extra spicy for me.  So even though I started maternity leave that day, I came in for the breakfast. Although it was super hot and I was sweating (and sick) there were no hints of a single contraction... I teased my co-workers that they must not really be hispanic :o).  So spicy food did not work!
2) MSG- I read that MSG can cause contractions.  My husband was ready to leave me in the grocery store as I examined all the Chicken Noodle Soups for the one with the most MSG.  I found out what restaurant had the most MSG (surprise it's not Chinese though I ate that too) and lucky for us they had just built this restaurant and it was one of our favorites! Nope MSG didn't do it for me!
3) Eating straight Horseradish... I guess this is an old Jewish remedy... I couldn't bring myself to do it... so it might work...
4)Nipple Stimulation- If you are curious how the sweet older lady suggested I do this... She said use one of those shower scrubbie pouf things while showering.. NOTHING

What does work...
Get in your car... drive an hour and a half + away from the only hospital your insurance takes into the country where they may not even have a hospital... Walk around an apple orchard.. reach up a lot and pick apples (there is another old wives tale that scrubbing your ceilings will cause labor to start because of the reaching)...I'm convinced that it was just purely losing my common sense and driving that far from the hospital that did it... Someone said "Look at this idiot... lets see how much we can freak out her mom and husband as they try to drive back almost 2 hours while her contractions grow closer and closer together... This will be great fun!" 

Long story short... we made it to the hospital on October 14th (see above for my ideal date) at 3 pm and my contractions were 3 min. apart though I couldn't tell in the car when they were starting and stopping anymore... The doctor we wanted was on call... she arrived around 7 and our beautiful 8 lb 3 oz baby was born at 7:56 pm.