Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Comparison Game

One of the very first things I read when I was starting to read what ended up being about 50 books on parenting and what to expect, was to try to not compare your child to other children. They all develop at their own rate... la dee da dee da... and all of this of course went right out the window the first time I walked past a baby in the mall that looked "about" Bear's age. The "about" is the kicker... I have a degree in child development and a masters in communication disorders. I am well aware of the range that developmental milestones are reached... and although there is a wide range a month or two (or four) REALLY makes a difference. So as much as I told myself I wouldn't... the comparison game began... I have a friend who has a little girl that is 4 months older than Bear. Somehow because we were pregnant together (for a few months) and because we were able to share the common language of mothers of infants I feel like our children are "about" the same age. Back in July or August my friend posted how her daughter said this whole sentence about a cat she had seen earlier in the day... it was full of prepositions, nouns, adjectives, verbs and I was jealous... and worried... I started comforting myself saying well her daddy is a doctor, and her mommy is one of the smartest people I know... of course she is talking like that... As educated as I am on development I still didn't rationalize she is FOUR months older than Bear of course she is light years ahead of her talking! Just now Bear told me a sentence with an adjective, noun, present progressive verb, and preposition... Of course it is 4 months later than when my friend's child did just that!
It is also getting to the point where Bear is developing her own interests and skills. Comparison's are a bit harder because different kids are doing different things... I am setting my goal for this year...I really do want to do less comparing... I have a beautiful independent healthy child... Every time I get the urge to compare I want to instead celebrate what Bear IS doing and realize how very blessed I am!


  1. I do that too, but I compare my youngest to my oldest. I know I shouldn't, but I do. And they are way different. Not sure if it is the first vs. second born, girl vs. boy, daycare vs. no daycare or a combination, but I find myself saying, "Well, she was doing it way before now. Why isn't he doing it?" And, everyone tells me to just be thankful he is doing what he is doing and he will get it in his own time. And there are things he did quicker too, but I tend to forget those things. I'm going to set the same goal for next year...

  2. Oh, Ann! I do the same thing with Maddy to other kiddos a few months older...we ALL fall victim to it. I think it's just part of our desire to be the best we can for our babies. Ashlyn is beautiful and brainy with amazing parents of her own! You are doing a great job of being her mommy--no one else could do it any better. :)