I'm building an American Girl house....

whether Erik likes it or not! :) Poor guy! He finally puts his foot down on something and I just do it anyway :) In my defense he is worried about the space it will take and I think it will give all of the STUFF a place.  My girls LOVE their American Girl Dolls.  They play with them all day long and bring them with them as often as we let them.  I have been looking at the things that go with the dolls though and I just CAN'T afford it.  It's INSANITY! So I started looking online and found the COOLEST DIY houses.  I picked the best time to do it because right now all of the back to school things are on clearance so I was able to get locker chandeliers that are the perfect size for doll chandeliers! I was able to get locker rugs that make perfect doll rugs all at clearance prices. I am taking pics as I go so I can show you how I am doing it all!!! I can't wait to finish up!

Mommy I a Princess!

That's what my 2 year old came up to me and said tonight. She drug me to the bathroom mirror squished her little 2 year old face up next to mine and said "I look like Tiana!"
I grew up in a household where Princess was my nickname... It wasn't a nice nickname and it usually followed a word that starts with the letter "f".  For a long long time I HATED the word princess.  It turned all of the things that I love about myself into a negative... I was a little girl that didn't take no for an answer because I wanted the "why" of things. I was INQUISITIVE not disobedient... if I saw injustice in a situation I was OUTSPOKEN even when that injustice was dealt by someone I wasn't supposed to speak out against... when I wanted something I usually found it most efficient to be INDEPENDENT and get it myself... Do you know what happens to little girls that are INQUISITIVE, OUTSPOKEN, and INDEPENDENT?  If they are not beaten down into submission... if their will is greater than their opposition... they become EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL, CARING, STRONG women.
After many years of hearing Princess used in a negative way...I had 2 little girls.... I swore our house wouldn't be covered in pink... they would never own a shirt that said "I am a princess"... but they taught me something and there are several blogs on the subject of what the true character traits of the Disney Princesses are... So when my sweet little girl said "I look like Tiana" I automatically looked past any lack of physical similarities and said "YES baby! You are just like Tiana! You are driven and dedicated to your dreams and your family! You are so beautiful!"  It's hard to picture a 2 year old as driven and dedicated by thats exactly what she is on a 2 year old level.  She is a little bit of Merida from Brave... she has no fear and has unending spunk... Her sister is a mix of Rapunzel and Aurora... She is torn between what she is supposed to do and what she dreams to do... she is funny.... .and she loves animals and nature.  So YES my girls are Princesses... they are strong, brave, funny, intelligent, driven, loving, and kind.

A very happy 4th...

I'm a military brat so the 4th has always been special to me.  I thought nothing could top the fun of a 4th on the base surrounded by other families of soldiers.  This 4th topped it all though. 
We moved up here the end of April 2009.  When 4th of July came around we weren't sure what we were going to do. We had a 6 mo. old baby and didn't really know anyone, but a friend Erik hadn't seen since high school lived really close to us and invited us to their house.  It was so nice of them.  We have made more friends since then but it wasn't until last night that I realized how far we have come.  We bought our house last spring and were delighted to find out we could see the fireworks from our front yard as well as hear the music from the big festival our community does down the street.  This year we decided to have a party and it worked out perfectly!
We started the day at the parade.  It was SO crowded.  Right as we were getting frustrated we saw a friend whose kids go to the girls daycare.  They were nice enough to let us sit with them right up front and watch the parade.  It was so much better because the girls got to watch it with their friends.

Then we headed home to finish getting ready for the party.  All of our friends brought dishes which took the stress off of me and we enjoyed sitting around in the front yard, the kids played in the pool, Erik and our friend Scott (the same one that invited us to their BBQ 4 years ago!) grilled, and we played fun games like bags (cornhole) and ladder ball. 

The kids did sparklers (except Ashlyn who was scared it was fire), and threw poppers and then changed into their jammies for fireworks. 

There's never been a fireworks show that hasn't made me teary and thankful (that military brat in me...) but this one made me feel so blessed.  We were surrounded by wonderful friends and their awesome kids.  Kids that my girls are comfortable being themselves around.  Little girls I hope Ashlyn will be BFF's with for many years.  We have come so far from having nowhere to go to have an incredible group of fun families joining us to celebrate birthdays, holidays, and every little triumph in between. I am so proud of us for making this move, taking a chance, and giving our kids the lives we've always wanted them to have! 

Ignore the fact that we look like a beer commercial... we kind of are... we got the beer (REDD's Apple Ale) free as part of a House Party and this is the group pic we had to take. I just had to add it because these are the people I'm talking about!  Good times!

Nicknames

So if you are a regular reader (I guess I would have to post more than every 6 months to have regular readers)... you will notice a change. I googled my girls names and was SHOCKED to see everything that popped up for them.  So I just spent an hour going back through my blog and changing their names to nicknames and removing our last name.  I just can't be too careful with their internet history and safety.  I tried to think up cute creative names but I couldn't come up with anything good so I just went with their nicknames.  So from here on out the characters on my blog are Bear... a vibrant yet shy 4 year old... Bees... an opinionated loving 1 year old and Hubby... the best darn husband in the world as well as guest appearances by Gram Gram!  I hope this doesn't throw you off too much.  Here they are!

  Bees- 19 months old

 Bear- 4 years old

The whole crew and my whole life

Gram Gram

Whats in a name?

For my husband and I, when naming our children, we put in more effort and thought than almost anything we’ve ever done in our lives. So much goes into what your child will be labeled for the rest of their lives. For us, in naming our first daughter there are already so many females in our family that most names were taken or sounded like a name that was taken… 6 sisters between us with 10 nieces, add on the few cousins and best friends that had children before me and half the names I grew up loving had been crossed off the list. Then when you add in the practicality that Natasha Raquel sounds exotic to a 7 year old girl it didn’t really seem like a good fit for our family. I apologize if anyone has or is naming their daughter that… I really do think it is lovely.
I think there are 2 times in a marriage that you really find out a bulk of information you didn’t know about your spouse. The first time is when you first move in together. Then you really learn who they are. The second time is when you are naming your children. All of a sudden past memories started coming up for both of us… No way we can’t name her that… there was this girl in college… “hmmm I’ve never heard that story before and no I didn’t know that “M------“ is a slutty name…”… interesting. Another issue my husband and I came up against was our heritage. Coming from different origins to we give the baby an Irish name, a Bohemian name? What sounds good with our last name? And is it OK if you are not Hispanic or Italian can you name your daughter Isabella? For the record to our good friends who have a beautiful daughter named Isabella.. I fought that yes you most certainly can but lost that battle… good thing it would have been weird for our girls to have the same name and it suits yours better. And how far removed do you have to be from someone to name your child the same thing as their child? Will they be offended? Do you need to ask permission? Then you get into name meanings. I have always been intrigued by name meanings. Mine means “one of grace” although I am the clumsiest person on earth I like to think I go through life somewhat gracefully… or at least give off that appearance. Bear’s name means “dream” or “dreamer” in the translation we like. I think that is perfect for her. She is our dream come true. I’ll give all of you dying a hint… part of the new baby’s name means “fighter” and we think that’s perfect too… We weren’t supposed to be able to get pregnant when we did but our baby fought to be here… We went through a few scares in the beginning but one of things I said to hubby as soon as we saw that heartbeat was “our baby is a fighter!” so there ya go! Hope that holds you over until I can “spill the beans” on gender and names and you can all run out and start shopping! :o)
So now that all of that is said… Why do people think it is their right to criticize the name someone is giving their child? This is a decision between us the parents. No matter how close you feel you are to us it is a right that is truly only ours. We will listen to your advice about bottle brands, ways to burp or bathe or feed the baby but naming our child is something we’ve put time, effort, and love into. So many people felt they were “helping” us by sharing their opinion the first time around about names we were choosing. It is so so so very hurtful. If you have an opinion keep it to yourself or share it with your own partner but please don’t share it with an emotional hormonal pregnant woman. I have friends that kept their children’s names a secret until they were born. This is a great idea because nobody will make fun of a name once the baby is there. At that point you are criticizing the baby not the name. For us we will share our name because we know we have picked the right one for our child and family… that and if you don’t like it try to convince my 2 year old that her sibling will be named something different because she is pretty set on the name.

Teaching my girls to be a good wife...

I posted a challenge on my FB wall to dad's of little boys. It was a selfish challenge really because as a mom of two little girls I want to make sure that there are a generation of little boys being raised to be a good husband. I challenged my friends to shower their wives with love in front of their sons. Show them how to love a woman. Show them how to be a good husband because in 25 or so years my girls are going to need husbands that are as wonderful as their daddy. Sometimes I think God gave us little girls because of my husband. He is a fantastic girl daddy. Not that he wouldn't be a great daddy to boys but I think every little girl needs a daddy that treats them like they are the most fantastic thing that's ever walked the earth. One who takes time to make them feel special, disciplines them in a loving just way, and treats their mother with respect. I think that these are the most important jobs for the father of little girls. Again this is what I know about.
Upon reading my challenge on FB, one of my dearest friends posed a question to me and inspired (i.e., suggested) this blog post. He said "I'd be interested to hear what you do to model for your daughter what it means to be a good wife." At first I thought OK this will be easy I will blog about it right away. And then I tried to think about it... and it was hard. I think I am often focused on being a good mother and a good wife but I don't outwardly make sure my girls know what that means. I think this is very important! So I have issued myself a challenge. I was looking for something to do for lent. I didn't want to just give something up. I'm sick of that. I give up coffee and on Easter morning the first thing I do after church is guzzle down an extra large Starbucks... I am also on a mission to get healthy so I have already given up almost everything that I would normally give up. So here it is... I will spend the next 40 days actively trying to show my daughters how I love their daddy. Here are some of the ways I show my husband I love him and how I plan to show this to two small children.

 -I want to point out when I am doing something special for their Daddy. I often see something I know he will love and I slip it into the shopping cart. When we get home I find a quiet moment to sneak it to him just to say "I love you" Often this might be a kit kat or something else I know they will steal if they see so I do it discretely. Instead I will say "Let's get a kit kat for Daddy they are his favorite!" I have seen this work before with my 4 year old who will be out and ask "Can we get this for Daddy I know he loves them" This is one of the more obvious tasks that I can outwardly show my girls.
 -I want to point out to them the little things their Daddy does for them and does for me. I do try to do this often and I think it's very important. It's not important for them at this young age to realize that not every daddy does the things theirs does but I want them to know its special. My husband attends every play date he is allowed at, takes them on fun adventures every weekend, runs to the store even on very cold nights because they or I am out of something. So I want to make sure to say to them "Wow aren't we lucky that our daddy took us to the Children's Museum, or brought home fruit snacks because he knows you love them, or made us breakfast Saturday morning!" And although it is my love language and not his to need to hear these things it is a good reminder for me that he is a very good man. It is important to remember my husband (and their husband, and your husband..) chose YOU to be his partner.  He chose to do these nice things for them.  I am so proud of my husband that he chooses to spend time with us.
-I want to go on more date nights and instead of sneaking out I want them to know that I am going because I want to spend special time with daddy just like I spend it with them. I also want to continue our new tradition of eating dinner at the dinner table uninterrupted with him. Often the girls eat dinner early because they are hungry earlier and it keeps them busy while I cook for us(Yes I am a short order cook. I don't mind it) We have been making a point of sitting together and telling them that they can sit with us or play nicely but we are eating and we are not getting chocolate milk, changing tv channels etc during that 20 min or so. I also want to make sure they see me kiss their daddy, hold his hand, sit with him on the couch. Although they may not realize the importance it will stick with them.
 -I want to make sure to not place blame on him in front of them, or defer punishment to him. This is the one that will be most difficult for me. I have a habit of this and it drives my husband crazy. I really really need to stop. It's not that I demean him or put him down but I do say things like "Don't make me tell your dad" like he is going to discipline them so badly when really he is quite the softy in that department. I know this is a standard parental line but I think that it is one of the worst. The last thing I want them to do is fear their dad over something as minor as leaving some toys out.
 - I want to pray for their Daddy. I know I am late to the game on educating Bear about praying but she has been taking a lot of interest in the things she is learning at church so I think instituting some nightly prayers are well overdue and I want to make sure they know that I consider him and them God's greatest blessings in my life. I'm sure more ideas will come into my head as the next month goes on and hopefully I will get a chance to share them with you! If you have any ideas of things I am missing please share! Especially if you are the parent of a little boy and want to make sure I am raising my girls to appreciate your son. If there is something you have found makes a big difference in your marriage let me know. I look forward to hearing from you!

It's not over when they're potty trained

I owe you guys this story... I promised it a month ago... Since it has happened AGAIN (this time not to me... I've learned my lesson) I guess I better share it so that nobody who ever goes to the bathroom with my child falls victim to this scheme... It was Bear's 4th birthday. After her party was over and her friends had left we decided to keep with tradition and take her out to eat. Her only request was a grilled cheese. We didn't want to go far and risk the girls falling asleep during the tempting dusky evening hours and being up all night. Why we decided to go out to eat when the kids were hopped up on sugar and party excitement is beyond me in retrospect. The first thing Bees did was dump Erik's drink all over her lap. Of course since we were running out of the house to get them in the car and to the restaurant so they didn't fall asleep on the way, I didn't check the diaper bag and we did not have a spare change of clothes... So I spent ten minutes hanging the baby under the hand dryer. Of course this was the ONE TIME Erik ordered Pepsi instead of water at a restaurant so even though I got her pretty dry she was a hot mess. I debated running across the street and getting her a new outfit but since everyone in the restaurant already knew we were "that family" I figured why bother! Right as the waitress brought our food out, Bear shouted she needed to go to the bathroom. She couldn't go for the 20 minutes I was in there with Bees... she needed to go right as my sizzling hot fajitas were delivered... Awesome. So we headed back to the bathroom. On a side note why is Chili's open kitchen right by the bathroom? Do you know how distracting this is for my kids? Of course they want to go to the bathroom 20 times while we are eating dinner. We finally get away from the kitchen and into the bathroom. Bear has been on a kick that she can go in the stall by herself so I let her. I know there is no use fighting it. She has never locked the door before and I stand right there and hold it. She shouts for me to come in to help her wipe. I try the door... it's locked... I tell her to unlock it and she says she can't because she has a poopy butt. So I tell her to wipe and come unlock but she insists she can't wipe if it's poopy. I tell her that I can't get in because she locks the door. We go back and forth for 10 minutes about how to get the door unlocked and she refuses to budge from the toilet. I had no choice... I had to army crawl under the stall at CHILI's. How disgusting is that... Seriously?! When I signed up to be a parent I knew I would have to do some gross stuff but army crawling into a stall in Chili's was by far the grossest thing I have ever done! I get her wiped, she hops down, unlocks the door and runs to wash her hands. I scrub my body as much as possible at a public bathroom sink and finally 20 minutes later we head back to the table. At this point the fajitas are cold which is fine because my appetite is gone. As I finish telling the story to hubby.. (Sorry you waited for me to eat honey because I know your appetite was gone after that story too) Bear looks at me and says "Mommy do you miss three?" It took a minute to register but I really hoped this wasn't a sign of the tribulations of Bear year 4... Unfortunately for my sister she pulled the same trick in the bathroom of Red Lobster last week. It was a lot funnier when it happened to someone else but seriously she had already had the talk about not locking the stall if you can't unlock it so I'm afraid to say she did this one to her aunt on purpose. Welcome to 4 everyone.

A Marriage IEP

Wouldn't marriage be easier if we all had an IEP that your spouse HAD to follow? For anyone who isn't aware... an IEP is an Individualized Education Plan for any student that needs special accommodations to be successful in school. So my speech students often have IEPS. It identifies areas of weakness and gives accommodations for the classroom that teachers have to follow to make the student more successful. Things like "sitting near the teacher", "longer time for processing", etc. Wouldn't marriage be so much easier if we had one of these? The Individualized Marriage Plan will be referred to as the IMP from here on out. Just think... at the first sign of trouble, a team of professionals comes in and does a thorough analysis of where the problems are and lays out a plan to address them. They set goals for the individual but also lay out what accommodations and supports are necessary for the marriage to be successful. The spouse has to honor what is in the IMP. So for example... I have a horrible habit of saying "What?" after most things my husband says. My ADHD makes it hard for me to process right away, and before he can usually repeat himself, I answer the question. It just takes my brain longer to figure it all out. It drives him CRAZY! The worst part is that there are times that I actually didn't hear him, but he doesn't want to repeat it because he figures I just wasn't paying attention. If I had an IMP my accommodations would be "wait time" and "repetition when needed" as well as the possible "break things down into smaller steps" and "Speak at a clear reasonable volume" My goal would read... "By November 2013, Given a statement from spouse, Ann will use wait time to process what was said, reducing the use of the phrase "What?" with 80% accuracy." And my spouse would have to accommodate my IMP. For my husband I would write "By November 2013, When given a compliment by his wife, Erik will respond with 1 thing he likes about her on 8/10 trials." Goals would be monitored every 3 months and a report of progress would be sent to all parties involved. How nice would it be if your partners needs were clearly written out so that there was no question how to meet them? What goal would your spouse write for you? Try to write one and see if you can monitor it and see the impact it has on your marriage. *Disclaimer- My marriage is not in any trouble right now. In fact we are better than we've ever been but this thought kept popping into my head because I feel like I'm an adult who has been dealing with ADHD forever and functioning so it shouldn't impact my life, but it does and wouldn't it be nice if there were accommodations to make people more accepting?

Trust your instincts

I am so mad at myself! I might have permanently traumatized my child. My oldest is a very high anxiety child. Even something she enjoys doing can reduce her to tears. So when I started talking about taking her to the dentist I knew it wasn't going to go well. I'm a terrible mom but I've put it off this long because I knew it wasn't going to go well. A few nights ago this conversation happened: Bear-"Mom I'm going to be a dentist when I grow up!" Me-"Really thats such a coincidence because I just made you an appointment to go visit the dentist!" Bear-"No Mom! I'm going to be a dentist so I can take care of my OWN teeth!" Me-"Nice try kiddo!" I purposefully made her baby sister's appointment first. This is actually the only reason the dentist has come up at all. She is 13 months and just got her first tooth so I wanted to make sure everything is OK. I knew it would be easy breeze for Bees and she would come out all smiles with a new toothbrush and a toy from the treasure chest. I wanted Bear to see this and then we were going to watch Calliou, Barney, and every other possible cartoon character go to the dentist and read every book we could find about going to the dentist and then I hoped it would be less painful when it was her turn. I know it would have been less painful because thats how she is. She needs alot of prep work for anything new. So when we got there the hygenist said "Why don't we just do both and save you a trip?" I ignored the red flags in my head and allowed Bear to come to the back with us. She got to see the cool ceiling TVs and I thought maybe she'd be ok. She started to freak out. We did Bees first and Bear watched nicely with Grandma. Then it was her turn. She screamed and kicked and hollered and all the dentist was doing was talking to her. I should have stopped right there... Nope I held her down and let the dentist count her teeth. She sat up coughing and gagging and I said jokingly "OK honey don't throw up on Mommy, I have to run back to work for a meeting." Yep I tried to tackle this on my lunch break... And Bear proceeded to ignore my advice and puked all over both of us. And then she did it again... and one more time... The dentist was great about it, telling me that thats why they have tile floors but I could tell this does not happen all the time. He continued to talk to me about how their teeth look (fabulous of course so there was NO REASON to come in the first place!) while I am COVERED in Bear's breakfast. We got as cleaned up as possible and she starts freaking out about her clothes. I had mom run to the car to get the Tinkerbell costume that was in the car for her to put on. I go to check out and find out hubby did not transfer money into my account... so here I am getting my cards declined, covered in puke, and he's not answering the phone. Yep I had to pay to get puked on. Bear starts screaming that there are no girl toys in the treasure chest and I am trying to reassure the receptionist that really she is not the child from the exorcist even though all signs point to the fact that she could be worse! Somehow I held my cool as they kept trying to offer her toys and she kept refusing. I got everyone out of the building and got home and changed clothes. I know that if I had done it the way I planned it would have gone better. I know it still would have been stressful but the way it went down I don't know that she will ever go back to the dentist again. Let's hope she takes after her daddy and has great teeth with no cavities. The dentist even told us not to worry about bringing her back anytime soon. The $160 dollars for a visit was not even worth it to him :o)

21 answers from my pookie Bear

I read about these fun questions to ask your kids on Hey, ho, KellyGO here and thought I would ask my 3 1/2 year old.  Interesting...So here are her answers...
1. What is something Mommy always says to you?
Bear: "I love you"

2. What makes Mommy happy?
Bear: Gives me a big cheesy smile (she's right it did make me happy)

3. What makes Mommy sad?
Bear: "When I'm sad" (I wanted to tell her... When kids leave you out on the playground, when you are too scared to try something you love... when you won't eat after I slave away fixing the meal you requested...)

4. How does Mommy make you laugh?
Bear: "When Mommy laughs"

5. What was Mommy like as a child?
Bear: "Silly Mommy!" (I tried re-wording it to kid, little, etc... she thought those were just as silly)

6. How old is Mommy?
Bear: "BIG"

7. How tall is Mommy?
Bear: "SO BIG!"

8. What is Mommy's favorite thing to do?
Bear: "Put away garbage" (Now I know why she refuses to put away toys! She clearly thinks its my favorite thing to do!"

9. What does Mommy do when you're not around?
Bear: "Run in circles" (Quite the opposite my dear)

10. If Mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
Bear: "Being an elephant" (Um...?)

11. What is Mommy really good at?
Bear: "Everysing" (aww thanks pookie!)

12. What is Mommy not very good at?
Bear: "ummmm" (Good Answer!)

13. What does Mommy do for her job?
Bear: "Work stuff"

14. What is Mommy's favorite food?
Bear: "I don't know.. cake?"

15. What makes you proud of Mommy?
Bear: "I don't know"

16. If Mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Bear: "Dora's Mommy, but I no want to be Dora."

17. What do you and Mommy do together?
Bear: "Dance Dance Dance!"

18. How are you and Mommy the same?
Bear: "We both have hair"

19. How are you and Mommy different?
Bear: "Your hair is brown and mine is yellow"

20. How do you know Mommy loves you?
Bear: "You say I love you all the time"

21. Where is Mommy's favorite place to go?
Bear: "Maybe Targie?" (Target)

Daddy knows best

Man I owe my husband one huge apology. Friday night I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up at 11 to Bees screaming bloody murder. Nothing new... she does this every night at 11. I realized that hubby must be sleeping in our room. This is new... My poor husband sleeps on the couch either upstairs or in the basement nearly every night. Both of our children are terrible sleepers and it is just easier for us to divide and conquer at night. By sleeping in the living room he isn't kept awake AS much by the baby. So at 11ish every night she drinks her 1st 4 oz bottle and again at 3:30 she drinks another one... I know I know she is almost 1 year old and doesn't need 2 bottles at night but it puts her back to sleep and frankly I am sleep deprived and working full time and it was just EASIER. You give her the bottle and she quiets immediately and goes back to sleep shortly after. Except Friday night she didn't go back to sleep... She screamed and screamed and screamed... I went to check and make sure he was in fact there. He was and he was just holding her but not giving her a bottle. I wanted to tell him to just give her a bottle but thought maybe he's trying to get rid of that bottle but I didn't want to undermine him and knew he could handle it. She wasn't going to die without her 11 pm bottle. I of course didn't go back to sleep until she quieted down 2 hours later (OK according to him it was 30 min... but to me it felt like 2 hours). She started up screaming again around 3:30. When it didn't stop I got furious. I stood by the door for a while and then went to the bathroom at which point he got furious and said "She knows your out there!" She is a mama's girl so she wouldn't quiet down until I came in. She was so furious that I wouldn't give her a bottle but again I didn't want to undermine him. I couldn't handle it and handed her to him and left. I went to the living room and sat there fuming for another 2 hours.... or at least it felt that way. I'm pretty sleep deprived so it could have been a few minutes before I passed out but it definitely wasn't until after she stopped screaming. Bear woke me up at 7 am. At 7:30 I started getting worried... by 8 I was convinced that she died of hunger. At 8:20 the two of them came out smiling and happy. She was in a GREAT mood. I however was in one of the worst moods ever. As soon as he started to get smug about how she was so happy I SNAPPED. I had been fuming long enough that I couldn't hold it back any longer and said some very mean things. I was more angry than I have ever been at him in 10 years. Mama Bear had erupted and it was directed straight at Papa. Eventually I cooled down and we went about our day. At some point I was able to talk rationally with him and agreed if we made sure she ate really well Saturday and I was convinced she was as full as possible we could try to get rid of ONE of the bottles. So I took over duty Saturday night. She cried again at the usual times and it was horrible but I stood my ground knowing she couldn't be hungry. One of my friends told me... If you woke up every night and there was someone handing you a piece of pizza you would eat it. If you woke up and it wasn't there you would say "Oh well" and go back to sleep. I kept telling myself that. My husband was so proud the next morning that I didn't give in. He told me over and over which made me feel great (Words of Affirmation Love Language right there!) The next night she cried less... it wasn't a blood curdling scream. Last night (Night 4) she just whimpered like she couldn't get comfortable and passed back out! She really didn't need those two night time bottles! Who knew?!? I guess my husband. Was I really creating my own sleep deprivation? So I owe my husband a HUGE thank-you. Thank-you for ripping off the bottle band-aid. Thank-you for turning the other cheek when I was very angry and mean. And especially thank-you for acknowledging how hard this was for me and praising and supporting me. You really are my rock!

My wish for you...

I was looking back at the girls baby books. There was a question in them... What is your wish for your child? I answered the standard answer... that they be happy and fulfilled, and while I still hope that they be both of those things my ultimate wish that I think will help them be most successful and happy has changed. I want both of you to be nice. I want you to know the difference between being well-liked and being popular. There is a definite difference. Being popular infers that you are somehow superior to someone else. I spent way too much time trying to be popular when I should have spent more time just being nice. Not that I wasn't a nice person but to be popular you often have to go along with the crowd and make some decisions you might not have made if you really looked at the impact on everyone else besides yourself. Being universally well-liked because you are truly a nice person will serve you much better in life. Will you still get dealt lemons... yeah of course... but your ability to spin a positive outlook on it will be better. Will you have people take advantage of you? Yes you most likely will... but you will have many more people that look up to you, love you, and want to help you because you have been a positive light in their life. As I type I am thinking back to my own high school years. There are two girls in particular that stand out because they were TRULY nice people. They still are incredibly nice good people. I am so blessed that through all of my shenanigans in high school I was able to get to know them because of my dance team. I believe they both read my blog and I hope they know how much I appreciate them and look up to them. When you think back on your high school years... was your Prom Queen the most popular girl in school or the most well-liked? Often it would be the first but my senior year it was so amazing to see the nicest girl in school get it. She is such an inspiration to so many. Along with her best friend I have never heard either of these women, even when they were girls, say something bad about someone. They are the first to celebrate your happy moments and the first to send a prayer in your times of need. When I think about what I want for my girls... It's not for them simply to be happy but for them to be nice... for everyone around them to feel better about their world because they were in it... because that is how they make me feel every moment I spend with them!

How things change...

I have a good friend and loyal blog reader that says he loves my "How life has changed" Facebook posts. I didn't realize how many I have written until he pointed it out but it's so true. The latest basically mentioned how Fourth of July went from my favorite holiday ever to that terrible WEEK that people keep my kids up all night long because they are setting off fireworks. I have always loved the 4th. All you have to do is drink beer, eat hotdogs,be with friends and family, and listen to country music. I know other people change a few of those ingredients around but for me all 4 of those are a necessity. But its definitely harder with kids. You have to work around naptimes, keep applying sunscreen, keep a constant eye (did you know the number 1 day of the year for fatal accidents in children is the 4th?), and then to top it off you are doing all of this sleep deprived because the neighbors have been shooting fireworks off all night long waking the kids up repeatedly since the 1st. So the Fourth of July has changed a bit. I still did manage to drink a beer, eat a hotdog, listen to country music, and spend time with friends and family. I also discovered that from the front yard of our new house you can see the fireworks PERFECTLY! It was awesome. There is nothing more amazing that watching the wonder in your children's eyes as they watch the fireworks! Here is a new "How things change"... What is attractive... what is sexy... how that has changed. About 10 years ago I was attracted to this hot guy on the dance floor of a country bar. He looked great in his jeans and he had awesome dance moves. He was so confident out there I had to find out more about him. Although I am still attracted to his moves, confidence, and the way he looks in a good pair of jeans... that is not the number 1 reason I am attracted to him anymore... Is there anything sexier than seeing a hot guy confidently carrying a Vera Bradley diaper bag? What about watching him rock his baby to sleep? Tonight we went down the street for some ice cream. Although it was close to the baby's bedtime and it was hot and I knew she'd be getting cranky... I totally forgot to grab a pacifier. Right as I was getting frustrated my husband reaches in his pocket and pulls out not 1 but several pacifiers. I absolutely love this about him. No matter where we are going he always remembers to stuff his pockets with pacifiers. To give a shout out to my mom here she is super good at finding and collecting pacifiers too... I am not... at all. I imagine that the days that I am at home searching the house and unable to find a single one they are all sitting in my husbands pockets while he's at work. I am so blessed to have a husband that puts his family first and takes such good care of all the little details in our lives. There is nothing more attractive than a good daddy!

My husband is...

almost always right... Darn him! For example on our 2nd Valentine's Day I was so frustrated because he didn't make reservations until the day of and then even more frustrated that he was taking me to a restaurant where we had to sit with OTHER PEOPLE! How romantic is that? I moaned and complained having never been out for Hibachi before. We had a blast! That Hibachi restaurant to this day is one of my favorite restaurants. He was totally right... So yesterday was our 5th wedding anniversary. One of his co-workers who I've never met was getting married and we were invited. I was incredibly irritated that we were going to be spending our anniversary at a wedding that I didn't know either of the people getting married! My husband said what better way to celebrate your anniversary than at a wedding. He insisted we were going. And guess what? He was totally right. You know what made the night even better... That I didn't know the bride and groom. Weird right? But I LOVE weddings. I love all the details of weddings. I spend most of the night running around trying to capture pictures of the first dance, the cake cutting, the toasts... but for this wedding I didn't need to be part of those moments... In fact it would have been kind of weird for this strange girl to be right up in the center of the action taking pictures. I don't even have a picture of the bride and groom. I got to sit back and enjoy the day. During the ceremony I fully absorbed all of the things the minister was teaching them about marriage. I loved that 5 years later I could honestly say we were following the road map to a good marriage that he was providing them. We are best friends, we try to listen, we always say I love you, etc... A super cool moment was that many of the songs they picked for various events were the same ones from our wedding 5 years ago. To top off the night was a moment I will never forget. I was dancing with hubby to a slow song, we were almost the only ones on the floor. He said "hold on" and went up to the DJ. From where I was standing I could see him saying "It's MY five year anniversary could you play our song Wonderful Tonight?" The way his eyes lit up when he was asking... the way he took ownership of it... Something about that moment made me fall in love with him all over. The DJ played it right away. We danced to our song like we did the first night we met, like we did at our wedding, like we have various other times in the past 10 years. But this one was a little bit different. He sang to me the same, the words were the same, I still felt like we were the only two people in the room... but as our little girl ran up to dance "two-chothers" for a few lines and I looked into his eyes something about this dance said... "we've made it!" We have two beautiful little girls, a home we are proud of, and a love more powerful than anything in the world! The night ended with him telling me what a wonderful night he had and that these have been a GREAT five years. They definitely have and I will cherish this night forever. Thank you for always knowing me better than I know myself. I love you! Our 1st dance 5 years ago Last night... 5 years and going strong!

Cheerful Nest

Ok so this has nothing to do with parenting... But I had to give a plug to an AMAZING interior designer. Sarah at Cheerful Nest is amazing. She was able to take all my ideas and fully execute my vision for our bedroom in this fantastic mood board. I love that I can send her a picture of something I saw and she can not only tell me where to find it but what it's made out of and how I could find it or make it cheaper! She really is fantastic. The craziest part? She's never even seen my house or existing furniture except in pictures I took and she totally nailed it!!! I can't wait to commission her to do other rooms in our new house! If you are redecorating she is amazing and will really help you achieve your vision! Visit her blog to see our mood board and to check out some of her great decorating ideas. I just love how she uses color!

Thoughts on Marriage

My goal for this summer is to focus more on being a good wife and a good mother. I thought I was going to get the house in order, catch up on scrapping, visit with friends, etc... and I still hope I can do these things but they will come after the needs of my family have been met. My husband has been practically begging me to "disconnect" for a LONG time. I always complained that he watches so many sports and this is my thing. But now that I've stepped back and taken some time away I can see that it was a slippery slope for me. I check Facebook while he watches a game which turns into checking Pinterest, checking my scrapbooking sites, writing blogs, scrapping pages, playing smurf village and before I know it his game is over. I justify it because I say that I am scrapping the kids memories but I never stop at just that.
Have you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I SWEAR by this book.  When hubby and I had been dating a few years and hit a rough patch I read it and it was mind altering for me.  The basic premise is that there are 5 "languages" of love and everyone needs to be spoken to in their love language to feel valued.  Unfortunately many of us are not in relationships with people who speak the same language as we do.  This leads to conflict and misunderstanding when all your partner is trying to do is show you love.  If you haven't read the book I suggest you do, even if you are in a wonderfully happy relationship.  If you have read it I suggest you read it again if it's been a while. Here's why.  7 years ago I was a "Words of Affirmation" love language. I need to be told things. Why I'm appreciated, that you find me attractive, what you appreciate... etc... it needs to be spelled out in words.  Hubby was an "Acts of Service" love language.  He would do things like clean out my car, get my oil changed, cook dinner, and all I would think was he is doing his share.  But these were not things he enjoyed doing. These were things he was going out of his way to do to show me he loved me. Because he was not saying "You are the most beautiful girl in the world" or "I love you because you always take such good care of me," I was frustrated and fed up and feeling like I wasn't appreciated.  In turn when I would tell him things like "You are the best boyfriend in the world" and "Wow you look hot tonight" they were just words to him.  After I read the book, took the quizzes, and shared with him it made a HUGE difference in our relationship.  I credit it with why we have now been together for 10 years and married for 5. 
Zoom forward to now... This is going to go off on a tangent... I'm sorry.  Why is it that when we are at the peak of togetherness, right before we get married, our culture says the right thing to do is go out and party as hard as possible... go to strip clubs, get wasted, and in some cases do things that would break our significant others hearts if they knew about.  (Disclaimer here... if you are the bride  of the wedding my husband was just the best man in... I do not know any details of the bachelor party which is part of my own anxiety)  Everyone acts like a fool and then returns to their normal lives...
So my husband was just best man in his best friend's wedding. He spent MONTHS planning the bachelor party.  He didn't write his speech until 5 min. before he had to give it but he started planning the night of debauchery the moment the ring went on her finger! Now I trust my husband more than I think most women do or should.  He truly is an amazing man and is very dedicated to our family.  That being said I had a hard time with the whole weekend.  I was feeling insecure already... I had a baby 7 mo. ago and know I have let myself go... I have been stressed by work and lack of sleep, and if I cook 2 nights in a two week time span it's a miracle... I just really haven't been the fun loving wife he married.  When I got down to the wedding, he was very busy with all his responsibilities.  I hardly had a chance to speak to him.  I spent a lot of the wedding speaking to friends who are having some problems in their marriages.  Add that onto the fact that he didn't say how much he missed me or that I looked good that night and I started to worry about my own marriage.  Then when I heard about him being hit on before I got there I was a total mess.  After some soul searching and a deep talk I realized I could let all this eat at me but what would that accomplish? I love my husband... I love my marriage and I wouldn't let any of this get in the way of it... Instead of thinking of what he is not doing for me... I switched my mindset to what might I not be doing for him? I retook the Love Language Quiz here and as I knew I was still "Words of Affirmation" but I also asked him to retake it...7 years later he is no longer "Acts of Service" but "Quality Time".  So all this time I have been spending on the computer, on my phone, etc... really were hurting him. 
This week I have been going out of my way to spend time with him... to "disconnect"  I left my phone at home when we went out Friday, I leave it plugged in in a different room in the evening.  I didn't scrap any pages the entire week.  I sent him messages at work.  Even when he wasn't at home I spent the time I would normally be on the computer straightening the house so that I wouldn't have to when he got home.  Not only did I find my worries and fears disappearing on their own I found a greater appreciation for my husband... me giving him what he needed in turn has made him start giving me what I need.  He texts me when he isn't home to say how happy I make him, he let me sleep in on Saturday and while I was sleeping ran out and bought me coffee and breakfast, he picked up special things at the grocery store he's never bought before just because he knew I loved it.  We are both smiling more and surprisingly he is talking more.  It's crazy to me to think that just these small changes can make such a difference in our lives.  My mom even noticed the difference.  It's only been a week but I vow to keep it up.  I married this man for a reason... I love him and our family more than anything in the world... he deserves to feel love from me every single day because he is 100% worth it. 

If you are having problems or want to love your partner/spouse more... I really suggest you go take the quiz... read the book too it really helps you see how it all works.  As for me if you don't see me blogging much (not that I have been anyhow) this is why...

My funny little girl...

I am Irish and love St. Patrick's Day. As soon as we realized that it fell on a Saturday this year we made plans to head to Chicago to see the river dyed green. Despite living in the area for 2 years we had yet to go see it. I told Bear all about how the leprechaun's were being tricky and dyed the river. She thought it was so neat and kept looking on the bridges for leprechauns. Here is a picture of my little family at the river... Ignore Bear's cranky face... she hates pictures being taken (and it was 80 degrees) but she was actually having a good time.
So fast forward to Monday. We were out to eat and she needed to go potty. We got in there and the water was blue. She had never seen this before and was fascinated. She said "Mommy it like the river but blue! Was it leprechauns?" I said "Hmm maybe it was smurfs!" She said "Yeah I think its smurfs! I pee in it and make it yellow!" Nice right? So after she hopped down to see if it was yellow and was shocked it was green! A lesson in color mixing right there in Firehouse Subs! Then she looks at me and said astounded "Mommy leprechauns no dyed the water! Smurfs and people PEED in it!!!" LOL I tried to stifle my laughter the best I could! How their little brains work! I almost died! Any hilarious revelations from your children?

Owls, Owls, and more Owls

I have a friend, one of my closest friends, who has just gotten her design blog up and running. You have to check her out here... It's AWESOME! Not just because the first few blogs are about ME... but because she is awesome! Her baby girl Penelope is exactly one month younger than Bees so we are going through a lot of the same things right now. She is my best friend from high school and although we live in different states I love that we have this new bond to share! Her blog today is about projects you are proud of and also happens to be an adorable sock owl mobile for Penelope. Bear decided Bees' "nursery" should be owls too so I thought I would show off a few projects I took on to decorate. Now all of a sudden there are owls EVERYWHERE but when I decided to do owls I couldn't find ANY! I searched high and low and eventually made my own art and stuffed animals. My mom made her cribsheet. Here are a few pictures!
In this one you can see the few owls I did find but I really wanted to show off the crib sheet mom made! So cute!

The little owl in the front is one mom and I made! We made her a couple. I'm very proud of them!

I couldn't find any artwork I loved so I made this one... I'm not super happy with it but I was 9 months pregnant and nesting and needed it DONE! The owls are pretty cute though!

So do you have any projects your proud of?

We all need a little support...

As moms I think it is soooooooo very important to have a community that you can rely on... Whether that is your church, friends from childhood, friends from a mommy group... it doesn't matter who it is as long as you have a group of people you can turn to who value you and you don't feel judged. There is enough judging going on in the mommy world... we need a safe haven.
I have joined several meetup mom groups in my area and met a couple of nice moms who I call friends. I have a TON of friends with babies that I connect with over facebook but the group I am most grateful for right now are my friends from the digi scrap world. If you know me you know how important pictures are to me. And you know how much I love to scrap them. After a year and a half I am still a relative newcomer to the digital scrap world but I LOVE it. I have really found a scrap "home" in www.scraps-n-pieces.com although there are several other communities I frequent since alot of them overlap in designers and members.
We meet through message boards. We know each other through the pictures of our children. There are several scrappers I know its their layout purely from the pictures of their children. Others I know its one of their layouts just from the way they scrap. We share our lives through digital scrap book pages. We encourage each other. I'm not sure if it's something about women that scrapbook but I feel like kindred spirits. We also gather in chat rooms with the excuse of "speed scrapping" but really we are just chatting... or at least I am. In these chats we may discuss scrapbooking techniques and share kit ideas but more than likely we are discussing things like how everyone's kids sleep, how old everyone's kids are, how the weather is where everyone lives, the health of ailing parents, the health of our children. I love that it is a safe environment for us to share. I am now friends with several of the ladies on facebook and really looking forward to meeting quite a few in April at a scrapbooking retreat! I hope you have a safe place you can be a mom!

Appearances are everything...

aren't they? I received a call from a friend who wanted to pay me a compliment. She said they were talking about mothers and trying to come up with what a "good" Mother would look like. Her husband said... "You know Ann... She always throws great birthday parties for her girls, she has a can do attitude, and .... " basically he saw me as the ideal mother figure... Um wow! Me? It's funny to me to think about this image that family has of me. I see them at church, and for the awesome birthday parties, softball games in the summer, and various other events. I personally think his wife is one of the best wives and mothers I know. She is so patient, sweet, and thoughtful. I feel bad because I feel like she doesn't see this and I know she doesn't see me at my low points. She doesn't know that my dishes pile up in the sink for days at a time, laundry doesn't get done until people are completely out of socks and underwear, and that for those birthday parties to come together I am a NIGHTMARE to be around the week before! Family photo shoots stress me out so badly that the entire family DREADS them and I have a feeling a few of them self-medicate before showing up. My oldest loves to sleep in her clothes and go to school in them the next day (often her Monday morning clothes were her Sunday clothes). Yet they see me as the ideal mother figure?
I think the lesson to be learned here (besides the fact that I need a maid) is that we are much harder on ourselves than we need to be. We are always striving to look perfect to others when really we already do... there is no need to compare ourselves to the next family because we are all doing what is best for our families at that point in time. So kick up your feet, grab a glass of mommy juice, and relax... the dishes can wait :o)